I'm definitely a mornin' person

Insomnia's a bitch, so no sleep for me last night. So, after watching a bunch of weird reality TV (why tf I always watch series about the amish??) it was suddenly 7:30am.

I decided to walk my dog. Cuz hey, fresh air will be... refreshing, I guess. My retired dog was even slower than usual (like '76 year old scouse man' kinda slow).

The Romanians weren't awake yet. Probably cuz they stay outside there like vampires. Pretty much every night I arrive home late they're sitting next to their in their dark corner.
(there are two kind of Romanians in our town: the vampires in my street who sit in the dark and only come out at night, and the one w the dragon plush who put ribbons and butterflies on their house. And who also throw bbq parties all the time lol)
And I thought 'haha, Paul won't be included in this blog post for once hah' But when I turned on my music I lowkey forgot my beatles playlist was still on, in the part w only Paul McCartney songs of course. (not that I like his music, I accidentally downloaded many of his songs >w>)
It was super calm outside. When I got back home I saw my neighbour staring through the window She's old and didn't recognize me at first. Probably checking if I wasn't one of those Romanians a thief

it wasn't even 8am normally I wake up around 10am lol

house prideee my attempt at smiling :3

and I'm lowkey sad 'cuz when I looked at my other selfies I noticed I have droopy eyes (I don't wanna be genderbend paul anymore help)

also I'll be going to this goulash (is that how you write it, I no speak no Hungarian eww) evening I don't even know if I like I'm also suspicious in advance 'cuz it's Hungarian :///// (really dislike the country that much XD)

guess u could say I find myself in times of trouble :c

u what

Ok, there's one thing that bothers me about this Beatles fandom/Beatlemania

THIS is considered the 'cute' Beatle

And THIS isn't

the story of an old tart- 76 years old today

The year was 1942. It was a dark night. (lol isn't night always dark-)
Around 2AM something changed.
Liverpool had already built Titanic (which we all know ended real well lol fail) and decided to dishonor their city once again ...

Making this blog post 'cuz I am the N°1 Paul fan
A certain Scouse man proves he's immortal once again by aging again. Despite the fact that he's going through a pretty late midlife crisis (his insta!!!) he still remembered his own bday

Let's look at all the posts yay ('cuz Alyssa 'ogm I wuv paawl so muccch' Valentina won't do it anyway)

 1. looks like someone finally realised he ain't in his 20 no more. only took him +- half a century

2. I HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE PIC THAT SUMS UP PAUL AS A PERSON

 'omaigawt jawn, cAek'

3. Paul is a dolphin

4. peeing his pants

5. applause for urself
'look, Linda, I did it again. I'm so good at this birthday stuff, laik'

6. pretending he can read

7. a certain old tart

8. the night Paul got introduced to the world of gay, also known as john's bedroom

 not related to his bday but ok:
9. old man on stage

10. his specialty: looking dumb (also wtf 3 chins, bruh you needa stop eating them cakes)

11. he and john often get wet together
(isn't that what all besties do???)

my laif:

included in this post 'cuz alyssa said in her mean language scouse tone:
(she's a mean person now, lol remember uhuhuh)

amgawd ah'll read eht wtffff

me(h)

me and my friend had dinner in the Hard Rock Cafe and we sat near the Beatles coorner

-gaay-

yay, rainbows everyywhere

code orange

update:
It was 5:52PM in the U.K.
Alyssa has now forgotten what Liverpool stands for or what it refers to
Then again, we must look at the bright side: having no functioning brain whatsoever makes her even more scouse hooray

we have a code orange situation going on!
(code red means Paul dies, but we all know that man is immortal so no code red)

Something happened to his account: first no posts, now only 3. the older ones disappeared :'(

here's proof paul is still a lil shit after all this time:

Unlike SOME PEOPLE, Paul still remembers Liverpool, here are some weird pics of him in Liverpool, since he was there yesterday:

group pic
'come at me, bruh'

I like how both the irl version and the statue version have the same dumb expression

 looking down at the peasants

playing the air guitar

OH NO HE'S RIDING HIS IMAGINARY HORSE AGAIN

paul is laik so much hipster

not that he knows how cellphones work but k

about to hear a 'back in my days' story

 luckily people of Liverpool don't like Paul

 being a scouse hipster, part 2

he kept playing air guitar so they gave him a real one instead

ahgyu,gyytygfttftftrtjyty

SALUT
(omg, my Romanian is, laik, so good I impress myselffff)

First of all I wanna say: I hope this letter ever arrives (I don’t wanna talk badly about the Eastern side of Europe, but I have no idea how the post system works over there)

edit: faillll

Oh ye, back to Romanian: I really wanna start practicing Romanian again but all this applying for jobs stuff makes sure I don’t have much time left.
I also discovered something: there’s this house in my town that I often see, but I never really saw ppl. I recently found out Romanians live there. First the people in my street, now those people. We’ll have our own Romanian community soon :D so if you wonder why there are less and less Romanians in your country, it’s because they probably all live in my town now. I hope this future community will invite me to their parties where they dress up in traditional clothing, drink box vodka that comes with a straw and eat sour soup (idk why, but I really wanna try that soup X3) I’ll be very sad and cry if they shut me out ;;;w;;;

About the two cards: I had been looking for a card with dolphins for over a week now so I gave up and decided to buy the one with flowers instead. And I remember thinking to myself: haha imagine that I now find a card that does have a dolphin on it … WELL GUESS WHAT I did ( -cries- why is my life like this) and oh ye, it’s a birthday card (I had to choose between ‘happy birthday’ or ‘congrats on getting your swimming degree’ lol)

As I write this letter I am sick. Long story short: I’ve been coughing that much that I might get a sore throat YAY I bought medication but I can’t open the damn bottle J)))))) FML
And my hay fever is showing up as well (my lungs hate me :3 )

If your mum asks why there are so many dolphins, then just say ‘delfinii sunt fetișul meu.’

lol theory time

So I said 'I wouldn't tell about my theory'
Guess what I lied (too predictable ... )
My main hobby is still annoying Scousers
And Alyssa probably thought 'heh nah ah dun hev tu redd eht enimoarrr'
Too bad
Maybe I should do an exam about this post to check if she has actually read it?


Okay, so let's start with a small history/Eastern European lesson:

'Once upon a time there was a bossy country named Russia. Russia suddenly thought 'Hey, wouldn't it be fun if I invade all my comradsky countries and oppress them and they all become my slaves, da?'
And that's pretty much what happened ...
Several decades later these countries managed to free themselves.
Two of these countries are called Romania and Moldova. Turns out Romania cherishes fond memories of the time it was oppressed by Russia, because at one point Romania thought:
'Eyy, oppression wasn't so bad. I'm sure Moldova wouldn't mind if we took over their country and even force them to speak our shitty language and everything :) '
And that's pretty much what happened (I mean, these days the poor people from Moldova are that hypnotised by Romanians that they wear the same awful "fashion". I want to ask for one minute of silence for the Moldovan sense of style that died ... )

Everyone in Europe knows about this relationship between these countries.
Honestly, most people here in the West often forget Moldova is a country on its own.
Even the European Union knew about it when they allowed Romania (EU be like: fuck u, Moldova, solve ur own problems k)

Turns out Romanians think we don't know about it. Did you know that there are still Romanians in denial. Lol I have proof:
(it was Saturday evening, which is the perfect time to annoy Scousers. I dunno what sane people do on a Saturday evening tbh ... )

I'm surprised she is positive about Moldova (is it allowed to cheer for the country your country suppresses?)

 Question about politics got ignored
hmmm maybe the government has cameras everywhere?

Doesn't say shit when I mention I am being ignored

Alyssa be like:

'no comment'

So wait wait:

A political situation everyone knows about? But the people can't talk about it?

kinda sounds like she's a political refugee

(and here's the plot twist : )

political refugees often get sent back to their country of origin, no?

ahhah

so she'd get ahhahaha send back to LIVERPOOL ahhahaha

that's, laik, the place she's been trying to avoid since she was 5 (u know u dislike a place if u'd rather go live in Eastern Europe)

rrrandom

friend: and you actually know people in Milan?
me: I know this person in Milan, they're my friend

friend: who is this someone to you? a love interest?
me: lol

me: you were close but still no

-walking down a shopping street-

me: woah look, this store sells a shirt with pink palmtrees on it, must haveeeeeee

friend: -snickers- love it

me: what?

friend: just you being your awesome self again

alyssa (at one point): maybe London IS better than Liverpool

me (to self) : or maybe that's what the government wants you to think

me: so next time we visit the Hard Rock Café, I pretend I faint, because, idk, I ate too much food or something

friend: and then I call the waiter

me: and if it's the wrong one, I quickly 'rise' and say 'no, not this one, the other one!'

me: then I'll magically faint again ... super subtle

friend: and I'll yell 'get your colleague, no, no, the OTHER other one!'

(let's just say I go there for the good food and the good view :)))) )

me: okay, what can you tell me about Liverpool's history?

alyssa:

me: What's the name of the river in Liverpool?

alyssa:

me: what does 'U.K.' stand for?

alyssa:

Me: okay, this should be super easy since Liverpool is only known for one single thing (rip liverpool)

me: spell 'Beatles'

alyssa: oh I know this

alyssa: bjeh ... bae ... bottle-?
alyssa: bjattles? right???

me:

me: you do realise "swimming" with dolphins isn't socially accepted in most countries, right?

alyssa:

me: we didn't friggin' meet in April 2015, stop saying that

alyssa: