E i candidati per i ‘Giochi di Parole Peggiori’ sono...

In the category: 'blog posts that I'm not proud of, but that are being made anyway'
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One of my few talents is bad jokes. And even my dearest Italian friends deserve some small torture once in a while ;)


1.
Don't you think the people of Positano would be more optimistic if their town was called Positivano?

2.
Why do gypsies dream of living in Italy? Because that country named their capital after their people

3.
Which family member is Venezia? the auntie

4.
They say the Italian for car 'macchina' is derived from Chinese and Scottish vocabulary

5.
You know why Pisa never got their own pizza named after them? Because tourists kept asking for Pisa Pizza and the Italians always gave them a piece of pizza instead of a whole one
(this + the fact that the entire town is filled with weirdos stretching their arms around the campanile makes Pisa one of the unluckiest places of Italy. Italy, however, doesn't acknowledge this and lets the town live its terrible faith every single day)

6.
Something went seriously wrong while manufacturing the new FIAT cars. They accidentally attached the tires on top of the cars. I guess you could say it was a real fiatsco

To make up for the suffering, I decided to refer to one of your favourite shows: GoT
It is a game: Can you find the differences between the GoT pic and this pic of very randomly chosen Italians?

 GoT is trying to tell us something...

(The Venice Conspiracy Theories are well-hidden these days, but they will never be gone °v° )

McCartney family~

(very) short stories about an interesting family from Liverpool

okay, here are the characters:
dad - James McCartney, the father of the family (referred to as 'dad' so you won't confuse him with son James McCartney)
mom - Mary McCartney, the mother of the household
James - eldest son
Michael - youngest son

fun fact:
James 'Jim' McCartney has a son named --> James Paul McCartney aka Macca aka Paul, who has a son named --> James McCartney
so basically:
James McCartney --> James McCartney --> James McCartney
(how original lol)



1.
Nurse: Sir, your wife has great news for you.
Dad: Omg, I hope it's a puppy!
Dad: Puppy puppyy puppyyy
-enters hospital room-
Dad: Mary, what is that? Is that our dog...you definitely picked out the chubbiest pupper...
Mom: Honey, that's our son
Dad: ...
Dad: Close enough

2.
Lil James (ya know that one fat kid) visits his mommy in hospital when his baby brother was born, together with his dad, when he was still a toddler. he sits on the hospital bed, and his parents explain that he's an older brother now. And they have to explain to him what a brother about ten thousand times is becuz he ain't the sharpest tool in the shed (good luck getting that shrek song out of your head again).
And there's this cute family moment. And James' dad doesn't cry this time, he looks at his new son and then says to his wife
Dad: 'so this is what having a pretty child feels like'
-turns to James-
Dad: 'no offense'
Mom: -looks angrily at dad, covering James' ears-
After a few moments of peaceful silence,
James: -slightly worried look on his face- 'wait, does this mean I have share my food from now on?'

3.
Mom: I'm home! So how has your day bee- WHY IS JAMES LOCKED OUTSIDE IN THE FREEZING COLD?! My god!
Dad: Idk, he had to use the toilet. I was pretty shocked to find out our dog can speak English, to tell you the truth
Mom: You know damn well our toilet isn't outs-
Dad: What? You don't expect me to let our dog pee inside the house? Seriously woman
Mom: I can't even leave you alone with our kids for two hours

4.
Dad: Son?
-sees happy James running towards him-
Dad: No, not you. I meant the cute one
James: qwq     -rejected-

5.
Dad: Mary, you have to stop spoiling our dog. He's now even sitting at the table.
Michael: Mommyyy...James's sitting on me againnn ;w;
James:  :3
Mom: Sweetheart, how many times we have to tell you your brother's not a seat
Michael: I can't feel mi legs

gif thingy

I did something unacceptable ...
I mocked Paul's sweater vest

But I wasn't the only one who mocked it, it is based on this small comic:

curse shenanigans~

So, you wanna know what happens when you mock Paul McCartney 24/7?
I'll tell you what
Karma, that's what happens

So many blog posts ago I joked that I wouldn't mind becoming genderbend Paul one day
But apparently, my brain and life didn't understand it was only a joke

The more I think about it, the more similarities I find,
here's the list so far (there are probably even more >___> or I might have forgotten to add some)

- You have dark brown hair and bangs
- You have big brown eyes
- You have A LOT of derp moments
- You like acting silly
- You don't take yourself too seriously
- You like wearing pink
- Pink actually suits you
- Cake is life (one week I ate cake almost every day of the week expect for two days. And a few days ago I ate two little brownie cakes for breakfast. And the day after that another small cake for breakfast. Sorry not sorry )
- You like (the sound of an) acoustic guitar
- Your face looks kinda squishy when you laugh or smile
- You tend to shield your feelings/emotions and you don't easily talk about emotional stuff
- You really don't like grieving in public or when there are too many people around
- People say you're charming (ppl have told me so lmao)
- People tell you you look cute (several people have told me I have a cute face but I don't believe the XD lol I'm paranoid)
- You don't consider yourself 'cute'
- You can easily get flustered
- You're an optimist
- You're fairly cheerful most of the time
- You work hard but you make sure to also relax and have fun
- Sometimes when you laugh/smile you look/sound like you're giggling
- You have a rather soft voice
- You have a big imagination
- You like sweater vests (I'm highkey jealous of his sweater vest)
- You often laugh at your own jokes ( 'it sounded better in my head' )

a smoll list -cough-

I also decided to do the 'which Beatle are you?' - test:
yay I got Ringo once ;w;
b-but I took the test 4 times and 3 out of 4 times it said Paul McCartney
(the curse is reallll )

So I decided to look for other tests

(plastic? lol. And I trusted Liverpool and its museums)

(I.Am.Not.Cute   -hides- )
lol 'Not the result you wanted?' uhhh do I have a choice orrr X3

(cute...be-beyond charming I'M GONNA STOP TAKING THESE QUIZZES seriously)

But I guess there's enough proof: I'm officially cursed: life has decided I'm slowly but surely transforming into genderbend Paul qwq )


And it looks like I'm slowly succumbing:
- I wasn't joking when I said I had cakes for breakfast

- I got myself a pink shirt

(I just realised that if I find a black tie, I can do a full Paul McCartney cosplay - help - even the hairstyle and colour are correct)

inspired by the one and only sweater vest

slowly, but suuuurely

this is fine °v° this is a-all fineeee

Scaws (d)education

Okay, since I stalk follow Beatles accounts on Twitter and other social media to keep my beatlemania alive, it is ofcourse normal that I follow Paul McCartney as well

since he is my favourite Beatle...
...
...
THERE CLUDI I SAID IT u happy now u gonna stop throwing that sassy emoji at me

 (^^^once a lil shiet, always a lil shiet^^^)

(wait, expressing my love for Paul...b-by not mocking him?? By actually saying ni-nice things??)

And before you scouse ppl think deducation is an actual English word, it's education and deduction combined
(if I'm gonna teach u about Beatles, I might teach you some English as well ;D while we're at it)

'Cuz we're gonna do deduction, Beatles deduction (very basic lol)

Ok, what do we need:
- common sense some Scousers may have lost that after the Beatles broke up but oh well
- A pic of ur fav Battle:

This is what I found on Twitter:

now what do we notice here:
1. if you click on the actual post you will notice something

it was posted at 1 am! wait, shouldn't retired men be in bed at that time? staying up late like that, on the internet :/ just wait until momma John hears about your internet shenaningans, up there in heaven


2. Now look at Paul and his expression. For a long time I thought: that silly I-look-like-someone-asked-me-something-supah-difficult or I-look-like-I-have-no-idea-what-is-going-and-where-I-am expression is gone, he looks a bit wiser these days.

that man has zero clues where he is and why those walls around him are so shiny. someone probably took him out of his beloved closet where he decided to live, since taking out the elderly for walks etc is important, too. Just look at that lost pupper.
If found, please return to  the elderly care in Walton, Liverpool, UK               X3

 the famous ogm-John-where-did-you-bring-me-this-time-this-is-not-Liverpool (while being in Liverpool) expression

HE'S STILL GOT IT

3. Not Paul or Beatles related but, LOOK AT THAT SHINY WALL

4. Just look how sad his guitar is, they're replaced by a new one

'Just remember who loved you back when you were young, not famous and a chubby teenager, Pawl' - Guitar Senpai

5. Talking about his guitar, does he seriously own a guitar with himself on it XDDDD ahahahaha

 

yes, yes he does X3

6. Since we're talking about guitars all the time. Let's move on to something that has to do with guitars but that might be even more important to him: CAKE

is it me or does that look like a guitar cake?

that's it~

Oh and I found something for those -Paul, like, totally died in 1966 and that guy walking aound these days is an imposter- idiots

 I MEAN, look at Paul trying to be...Paul (?) 

UGH
he doesn't even look like him
young Paul clearly doesn't have white hair and wrinkles so it's clearly an imposter

Today's lesson: people age, get over it    (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

Battles conversation 2~

(random as usual)

(that Paul at the end: woa, hugging is so tiring)

Paul: Ringo, I'm afraid I have bad news
Ringo: Oh?
Paul: I'm afraid someone abducted John and has replaced him with an imposter ;---;
Ringo: ...
Ringo: Paul, have you had too much candy again? You know all the sugar can cause a sugar rush and-
Paul: For your information, I've only had 30 snacks today, so it's been a pretty calm day so far...
Paul: ...and it really isn't the same John, laik, this one was...friendly and h-he -eye twitch- ...even hugged me...
Ringo: -le gasp-
Paul: I'm scared ;w; I just want mo- I mean John back

Alternative conversation:

Paul: I'm afraid someone abducted John and replace him with a poster ;---;

(not that they would see the difference)

noice boii

Okay, it's time for a Paul post (since I never post anything about him, u know)

But this will be a bit different, there will be no derp pic or whatever
(it was actually pretty difficult to find pics of him not looking derp or looking like someone asked him a really difficult question, but I did it)

I KNOW WHAT U'R THINKING:
'But Madu, according to your blog post Paul is extra speshal/derp/retarded/etc???'
and ofcourse all these theories are totally 100% correct >_________> (yes,really)

But I just wanted to try something different for once

(Also, a small message to Cludi's parents: if her bedroom walls become light yellow again, it's not the fault of this blog post)

 just look at all the swaggity in this pic lol

 that swag at it again

come at me boiiiis gehrls

Creepy man hiding in a bush, staring at u

The one and only sweater vest ... oh and Paul

 

There was only one way girls could make Paul wet: the ocean

Making decisions about the most important meal of the day: breakfast dessert

When you have to accompany them gehrls and you have to act straight for five full minutes

When you wanna give someone your autograph, but you can't remember if the correct spelling is Pawl or Paul

 "I just met you and I love you" (a typical trait of doggos)

Annoying a police officer cuz it's not like these people have an important job to do or anything

Little James McCartney aka Fat Jamie from Walton

Paul sniffing some food (still pretty tho)

Begging for food (another typical trait of doggos)

He basically fell asleep while going out??
(I liked the pic so I added it)

"Ogm, John, where did you take me? I've never been here"
(they were probably in Liverpool)

 Older and probably a bit wiser, still laughing at his jokes and not knowing where he is tho

He still got that swaggity yo