;w;

This won't be a normal post, it will be personal again (I'm so sorry for another emotional rant and sorry for nagging again, but being able to tell it somewhere helps. The next blog post will be like the regular posts again c: )
So after posting the last blog post, I felt bad for a while, but the day and even week after it I started feeling better and more optimistic again. I went shopping with my mom, I did good homework (which isn't always easy since my Italian still isn't that great) and yesterday I met up with a good friend and went out. Actually...everything was going well and was fine, until today. Today was a nice day, I got up early, there was nice weather, did some fun stuff. and then tonight I suddenly started crying.
I don't even know why. I guess there was another wave of negativity. It came out of nowhere. Suddenly I felt tears rolling down my face...One hour later it happened again...I'm fine now...But I do feel like I'm having another mood swing.
Maybe there are some reasons:
I have a school project coming up. I have to do a presentation with some other people, in a group. But the thing is I really don't like giving presentations, because I don't like standing in front of a group of people and talking. Even though I'll probably have to talk for only 5 minutes or so. I've been nervous since last month and the presentation is only in a month. But me and the others haven't arranged anything even though I try to contact them. Makes me only more nervous (I'm one of those crazy people who has to arrange everything in advance, the earlier, the better).
I haven't talked a lot to online friends, there is this one online friend I haven't spoken for almost a year (since March last year) and I was planning to start talking to her again, but now she's never online ;---;
and my other irl friend has been offline for a week and we can't meet irl, which I understand since she has her own problems and isn't feeling very well...
Then there's my other online friend who hasn't responded a lot this week. Again: she has her own problems and worries so I don't feel like bothering her, and I don't want to tell her about it (even though I tried) because then it'll sound like I'm nagging or sound like I'm not grateful about the times when we do talk and have fun together.
Sometimes I wonder if I just spam others too much. When I look at all the messages I sent I send like 5 messages in a row (sometimes even more :p ) and people barely respond or just don't respond at all
makes me feel like I'm just being annoying or that what I say isn't that important


here, let's have a sad quote: I really want to tell someone about the things that are going on in my head, but truth is, everyone else is busy with someone else.