Picture story

Living with ocd

(I am NOT a psychologist. This is mostly written according to how I see and experience the disorder)

(I feel like my ocd doesn't allow me to tell or write this, but I have to be brave)

A few weeks ago I did one of these test thingies. A question popped up: ‘Do you like things to be clean?’ and there were two possible answers:
a) No
b) Yes, because I have ocd

As someone who (is,  by the way, not tested but quite sure she) has ocd I must admit I didn’ find that as hilarious as the creator of the test intended it to be…
(washing your hands super often/being a neat freak/etc can be a trait of some who have ocd, just remember not everyone has this trait so don’t generalize)

What’s important to keep in mind is that there are (as I like to look at it) “two sides of ocd”
- one of them I call “the positive side”: it’s the one most people think of when they think of ocd.
examples are: when you love to arrange things in certain ways, like arranging your clothes per colour or make lists and love to arrange everything on that list in alphabetical or  chronological order.
People (like the person who made that test) sometimes joke that having ocd means you’re actually a neat freak
-Then there’s “the negative side”, which is the one I’m gonna talk about in this post. Since, sadly, ocd is a lot more than just to arrange your closet by colour etc. the actual disorder is related to things like forced thoughts, compulsive rituals, feeling guilty and more

Oh yeah, since I haven’t explained: ocd stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
It’s a mental illness

Well, to give you a more clear view of what kind of mental illness ocd is and what it does I decided to copy paste some stuff from Wikipedia and sites, since I’m not very good at explaining this scientific, psychological stuff myself:

Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder where people feel the need to check things repeatedly, perform certain routines repeatedly (called "rituals"), or have certain thoughts repeatedly. People are unable to control either the thoughts or the activities for more than a short period of time. 

So, here are some traits of ocd:
-forced thoughts (obsessions) or forced actions (aka the rituals) (compulsions)
-These obsessions or compulsions can make you feel nervous or stressed
-You often feel guilty when you don't do the obsessions or compulsions
-The need to controll things often or re-check stuff
-The disorder isn't the result of drugs/alcohol or other substances

To be honest I think it's a nasty mental illness (don't get me wrong, all mental illnesses are). It forces you to do things and think in certain ways, and when you don't it makes you feel bad or even guilty about it.
That's what ocd does.
I like to compare it to that kind of friend that has a bad and negative influence on you but you still keep hanging out with them.


An example for me is: I constantly have to walk on borders of tiles. It seems innocent, but when I don't do it or miss one, ocd says: "you're a horrible person. Something bad might just happen to you or someone you love."
and this, this is exactly what this disorder does. It keeps you in their power. It loves to play this power game and it loves winning it. It loves making you feel bad over the smallest and most innocent things. Ocd hides in the smallest things in life (I guess this is why most friends and family don't know I have it. Not even my therapist (who I visited for a mental illness I once had) has noticed.)

I tend to hide it when I'm around friends or when I'm at work. It's like, when I'm surrounded by enough people I can suppress it.
Sometimes I can suppress it when I feel like I look too ridiculous. Because not only do I feel guilty or bad because of this mental illness. It sometimes forces me to touch things or walk in certain ways (those damn tiles) or do rituals and I just feel kinda awkward. Sometimes you can feel people stare a little.

ocd is, like mentioned before, nasty. That's the one word I describe it with. Feels fitting for this disorder. I honestly don't know how I ever got this illness in the first place, but now I have it and I'll have to cope with it for the rest of my life. Since I'm afraid it's permanent.
I've read sad stories about people who also have ocd and it takes so much of their time and makes them feel so stressed that they become depressed or sometimes even suicidal ;--;

However, one thing's for sure: I will keep fighting this disorder. It will never let it take over my life (the more power ocd has, the more fun it will have and the more it will try to torture you).
I've always been an optimistic, happy girl and I will never let ocd change that. Because a mental illness isn't part of who you are.

Disavventure Italiene~

As usual I share the most stupid stories related to Italy or my Italian class with my big sis, so here's another piece of unnecessary information :3

Edit: I didn't finish the assignment in time, BUT HEY, I did type  415 words more than necessary (100 words would have been enough lol)

Fun fact: younger me trying to speak Italian could be considered 'una disavventura' as well. lmao.

warning: bad use of tenses because I no get it    >_____>
This time:
Disavventure Italiene 

Sono andata in vacanza in Italia quattro estati di fila. Tipici per tutti i miei viaggi in Italia è avere un po’ di sfortuna. È per questo che chiamo queste vacanze ‘Disavventure italiene’.

Per la prima vacanza sono andata a Sorrento, una piccola città al Golfo di Napoli. Era uno dei primi giorni e quel giorno mia madre ed io abbiamo visitato Pompeii. È arrivato il momento di tornare in albergo. Camminavamo verso la nostra guida, ma mia madre voleva fare una foto. Pochi secondi dopo siamo arrivate al bus e notavamo che il resto del nostro gruppo è andato. Ho scherzato sul fatto che ora in poi vivremmo a Napoli. Il nostro walky talky era rotto. Comunque, potevamo ancora sentire la guida parlava attraverso il walky talky. Alla fine, abbiamo trovato il bus grazie a una coppia che facevano parte del gruppo. Loro hanno notato che siamo scomparse.

La seconda vacanza mia madre ed io siamo andata a Roma. Uno dei problemi è durato tutto il viaggio. A qual tempo era un ondata di calore a Roma. Durante la prima sera del nostro viaggio avevamo deciso di fare una passeggiata e ci siamo persi. Vagavamo un po’ per le strade. Per caso una di queste strade ci ha portato al Colosseo. Era una serata bellissima per iniziare nostro soggiorno nella città perché quella serata avevamo visto il Colosseo con un cielo stellato. Un piccolo inconveniente del albergo era la colazione: Il refettorio non era mai stata pulita e la colazione non era fantastica.

Abbiamo visitato la stazione di Roma alla sera e il personale aveva chiuso le porte. Un uomo chi era a pulire la stazione aveva aperto una porta per noi.

 coping with a heatwave be like...oh yeah, standing in that fountain was sooooort of illegal ^^;

 Rome is full of Jewish fountains. These fountains saved us and made the struggle with the heat a lot easier :)

 awkward selfie number one :))))

 Even more awkward selfi- I mean this is what heat does to you

 If you look carefully you see ice water --> another salvation

 Awkward selfie + Forza Italia = ??? idk ???

 Meanwhile we go lost/locked lmao

Il terzo viaggio era a Stresa a al Lago Maggiore. Non c’erano problemi a Stresa. Le disavventure hanno iniziato quando viaggiavamo a Milano per un piccolo viaggio in città. Abbiamo aspettato per il treno alla stazione di Stresa. Il treno passa attraverso un tunnel poco prima che arriva alla stazione. Mentre guidava attraverso il tunnel, il treno suonava il clacson. A proposito tutti passeggeri hanno avuto un attaco di cuore, compresi gli italiani, grazie al suono assordante del treno. Durante il tragitto ho trascorso più tempo nel bagno che sul treno stesso. Il viaggio in treno era piuttosto traballante. Dopo 20 minuti, siamo finalmente arrivati a Milano e abbiamo deciso di visitare il famoso Duomo. Quando ero sul tetto, c’era un sacco di vento perché la mia gonna ha volato un po’. Il resto della nostra vacanza a Stresa è andato bene. Quasi bene perché durante gli ultimi giorni c’erano sempre delle docce di pioggia.

 No selfie of my skirt trying to fly away, but here's the view

 Me and my Italian boyfriend. One of the most beautiful romances ever <3 <3 <3

 This little shit behind me will make u deaf :))) ah good times

L’ultima vacanza dei questi quattro viaggi era a Venezia. Questo viaggio è stato quasi impeccabile. Era sera e facevamo una passeggiata attraverso la città. È iniziato a piovere ma dopo un po’ continuavamo nostra passeggiata. Camminavamo per la strada e io sono caduto per la prima volta sulla strada scivolosa. Ma non mi ha fatto male. Pochi minuti dopo, camminavamo lungo uno dei tanti ponti. Ho saltato un passo e sono caduto per la seconda volta questa sera. Ma questa volta mi ha fatto male. Grazie a, ho avuto il più grande livido che avevo mai visto  e ho avuto problemi per sedermi per il resto della vacanza.

Another gif

Interviewing Paul McCartney

Expectations:
 'Gehrl, u wanna come over to my party full of drugs and alcohol?'

Reality:

Review: In Her Shoes~

I've watched this film about two times. Well, I've seen parts of it. Mostly the middle and ending. But never the complete film. I do know what's it about and I like it, so let's do this!

- I like the intro music
- Rose looks like the most average and boring person
- I like these black shoes
- I actually relate to Maggie

- awesome closet

- So Rose's best friend is a snob, nice
- lmao, 'Anal house'
- the first nice outfit she wears

- These guys who approach Maggie in the streets seemed nice but they turned out to be douchebags
- Maggie almost got assaulted and her sister doesn't give a fuck, how nice of her
- poor Maggie gets thrown out, well at least she moves to a better place (what I remember from the other half of the film)
- he looks cute

- I like Maggie better than Rose. But fucking her sister's boyfriend is a shitty thing to do
- She's moving to Miami, niiiiiice
- So much pink °v°

- "And where is he now? He's on the beach looking at boozems!"
- Ella x Lewis? I ship it
- Laundry = date   XD
- I hate her personality, but I like her looks

- Poor dog didn't get to move to Miami ;w;
- so many pink buildings in Miami <3

- This will be me in the future

- so much swag (I like this sunglasses look)

- lmao Maggie's being stalked by old guys
- her sister found a new job with lots of doggies and is happier now, that's nice
- for some reason I like this outfit

- These two XDD friendship goals tbh

- I kinda like Simon better now, even though he can't pronounce 'croissants' and French in general
- Maggie actually has a job! °o°
- "There's a pick up line with a bit dust on it"
- the scene where he reads this real weird kind of erotic love story

- I relate so much to Mrs. Lefkowitz, she's me when I'm older
- "My heel has a mouth" lmao
- "This place keeps getting better and better" lmao the old guys
- "I'm just taking some time off"
   "Me too!"
- "Why can't I just stay mad at you?"
  " 'Cause we're a pair...like Sonny and Cher"
  "They split up"
  "But they remained quite close"
- Just this scenery

- Lewis is so sneaky
- They're not in Miami anymore :c
- Aww, the wedding is African-themed
- the poem though ;w;
- and lovely ending ofcourse, seriously though it's one of my favourite film endings

  

Introducing the Beatles: John

- Title: John Senpai
- Scouse
- Can actually speak decent English
- Queen B
- Last name not to be confused with 'lemon'
- Looks like they could kill you and can actually kill you
- Fluffly hair °u°
- Has probably tried to take over Liverpool and it probably almost worked out
- Prince of Liverpool
- Bicurious  and sometimes curious for Paul
- Owner of Paul's soul
- Hobbies: babysitting Paul, mocking sweater vests, being a mommy, being the b0ss of the Beatles, having much swag, being Jawhnsus
- No oooooone dances like Jooohn
- No oooone makes remarks like John
- No oooone's ego's as big as John's
- For there's no man in tooown half as sassy
- Perfect, a pure paragooon

- probably owns 10.000 pairs of round glasses
- "Paul, please"
- The Regina George of the Beatles
- Questions and judges every single thing Paul does

- Adopted Paul and became his mother

- No one looks as good as John in turtle neck shirts

- Deceased, but still lives in our hearts (and as a ghost in Speke Hall, Liverpool)
- According to one of his own songs, he's a walrus

Johnny in a nutshell:

(John waking up on Mother's Day, surrounded by his children)

A talented dancer:

Aesthetics:

(^^^^John talking to Paul^^^^)

Introducing the Beatles: Paul

- Actual name is James, but Paul is shorter and therefore easier to remember so he calls himself Paul
- Scouse /Irish
- Looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll
- I am one with the derp and the derp is one with me
- extra speshal
- half pupper
- Biggest fear is that John wouldn't think of him as a good boy ;w;
- John's princess   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- doesn't mind being (called) a princess
- probably gay
- hobbies include: hugging boats and guitars, eating cake, talking to dogs and pondering life when lonely
- sweater vests are laif
- kent eet chehghen ennimoar cuz he veggie naw
- pink (clothes) are also laif
- should've probably attended School of English
- But hey; why speak English wen u ken spik scaws
- "He's just a puppyyyy!!!"
- used to be a fatty
- was probably adopted by other Beatles and that's how he got in the band (yes really)

Fun fact:
There was this MTV series about Paul

Aesthetics:

 
and if you can't imagine Paul as a princess, watch this: